How to Trust Again After a Divorce

You can trust again

If you have been through a difficult relationship where you were victimized in some fashion you will no doubt be tapped out emotionally. If you felt personally betrayed or violated and your marriage ended in divorce, you probably feel like you can no longer trust anyone in the romance department. These feelings are very normal, and nothing to feel ashamed of. In fact, recognizing these feelings and working them out is part of the recovery process. A marriage in which your spouse cheated or was otherwise untrustworthy can take months or even years to overcome. The feelings of loss are exacerbated by the betrayal and trust issues that are the probably outcome of a relationship where your partner has cheated.

Allow yourself to feel the loss by grieving the death of the relationship. Divorce and separation loss leads to emotional distress, tears and varying degrees of depression. It’s okay to allow yourself to vent or cry as this is a normal entry level of the healing process and your very first step to moving past your trust issues.

Your former spouse hurt you; acknowledge it. Talk with your friends or a counselor about your feelings, frustrations and what your partner did to you. Let your close friends in on what you’re going through; be real with your emotions. True friends will understand and support you. You may wish to seek the professional help of a trained counselor; try to dispel your discomfort of opening up to a stranger. Allow yourself to move outside of your comfort zone. Speaking with a competent professional who knows and asks the right questions will help you cope with the early stages of moving on.

Let go of the loss once you’ve cleared the air. You were intimate with your former partner who broke your heart and your trust. Avoid any contact with them, delete them from your facebook and email accounts, remove all their photographs from your home and stop visiting the parts of town where this individual lives and works. Ridding yourself of your spouse and the reminders helps you let go of your loss.

Determine what it takes for you to trust again. Make a list of your strengths and qualities and the things that you require from a future mate that will help you trust them. Identify factors such as physical, emotional and financial strengths. Focus on positives like a new fitness regime which will help you become more alert and in tune with yourself. You will find that you will cope differently, in a more positive manner. Financial stability will give you the ability to support yourself and the independence that this will give you will also boost your morale.

Know that this will be a process and will not be easy. Simple acts of unfaithfulness have knocked you off your feet; this is temporary if you keep your plans in focus. Half the battle is recognizing the trust issues and acknowledging that you need to address them.

Get out with friends for movies, lunches, and other occasions. Surround yourself with the people whose friendships have been solid and individuals who have not broken your trust will bring other suggestions and thoughts to the table. The more that you involve yourself with positive and trustworthy people; the sooner you will realize that you are indeed capable of trusting again.

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